I went back to Devon the day after dad's funeral. I collected some bits from the flat and then we left to come home. I was really happy to be able to pick up the photos of me, my mum and dad and all the photo albums that dad had under his bed.
On the trip back to Devon I was in my own world. Only really talked when we had to stop so Zoey could feed or because I needed something from the services. I just wanted to be in my little bubble just me and my baby girl. My half-sister text loads of times and the last time she text was at 5pm to say she'd collected dads ashes and would make her way down to me tomorrow. I was happy that she'd got dad but upset because this really was the end. I knew he had gone but his ashes are the last bit of a person aren't they? So once they were gone that was everything of him but memories and pictures and belongings.
I went to bed subdued and upset. I couldn't sleep just lay there staring at the ceiling. I must have drifted off as next I knew I heard Zoey's cries to be fed. I couldn't get back to sleep so just lay there till my half-sister text to say she'd arrived.
I got Zoey and myself dressed and got Zoey ready in the pushchair and set off to find a spot to scatter dads ashes with my half-sister and niece and nephew. We found a spot on the beach near the water and looking at the views around us decided this was the place. Perfect place for a perfect father, I stood there and watched his ashes blow to sea. My mind seemed at ease that my daddy was finally at peace with my mummy
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